Caseload - by Jock Anderson

I am gay friendly 

I know that I am writing for an audience of twelve but in any case (load).

Late last year I wrote an epistle about gay lawyers

It lead to an avalanche of scuttlebutt about  gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, takatapui and intersex (LGBTI) and how they do their thing in large law firms. I had to remind a few people Charles Chauvel now works at the UN. Duh. Chauvel is a fabulous gentleman. In fact in 2008 I lived off his scuttlebutt for months.

It is common knowledge I trade in cheap gossip by finding x about QC X and then QC X trades not appearing in my column for spewing their guts about y. In fact I've written columns for years this way.

What makes me more interested as I don't even need to sit in the Queens Ferry to write this column anymore I can be at my residence on Waiheke Island. People keep coming to me with crap about lawyers.

The rooting, the backstabbing, the bitching and the moaning I have covered. The sensationalist headlines? Easy. I mean since my ergh abrupt departure from the NBR since the "unfortunate incident" I have had my niche at the NZ Herald stirring up shit about anyone I want. Despite you know, never actually getting on the "fairy" to Auckland despite eligibility for Winston's Gold Card. I just can't be fucked. 

Law No Place For Mature Lady Briefs

According to the 2013 Census, 55 per cent of lawyers are aged 44 or under. Too many. They are distracting to my friends who are male in the profession and above 65.

Customised data indicates that while 43 per cent of male lawyers were aged 44 or under, they were outnumbered by 71 per cent of female lawyers in the same age bracket. Too many women.

Women make up 46 per cent of all lawyers and made up 62 per cent of those admitted to the profession in 2013. What the fuck was the NZ Law Society thinking?

Women far outnumber men in the age group from 20 to 44, but drop away sharply in the age group 45 to 70 plus. Yes because they take all their first husband's assets and don't need to work!

The number of female admissions overtook men for the first time in 1993, and while Law Society data shows women make up 57 per cent of lawyers in practice for 20 years or less, women make up only 2 per cent of lawyers in practice for 40 years or more.. That's because they all end up shagging them!!  Jesus I would like to but none have offered, Even Lady Chambers.

John Banks' affair not yet over

Expect heads to roll over the botched Crown case against former Auckland mayor and ACT MP John Banks - acquitted and exonerated the other day by the Court of Appeal on a charge of knowingly making a false electoral expenses return.

In the Banks case, the Crown - in the form of prosecuting scum Queen's Counsel Paul Dacre - failed to tell the Court of Appeal of a crucial memorandum it had which was also not disclosed to Banks' lawyers.  Outrageous.

Banks claimed the Crown knew, and were a bunch of scum to throw him under the bus because he's not a member of the establishment.  It was a grand "fuck you" when Mrs Banks saved him.

John Banks was acquitted and exonerated the other day by the Court of Appeal on a charge of knowingly making a false electoral expenses return. 

B*st*rds still and more promised

B*st*rd monitor, John of Wellington, is hard at it.  Hard I say.

"Judge Robbie Ronayne is a moody b*st*rd.  Moody horrible.

Judge David Harvey a very clever b*st*rd.".  

As for Auckland Crown Solicitor Brian Dickey, John says there will be more to come.  He's just Hooton's play thing and we all know he's a b*st*rd.

Dickey had success at the Ellerslie races the other day, as part owner [along with Queen's Counsel Paul Francis b*sr*rd Wicks of Rooting and others] of galloper Gravano.

Reluctant as he is to stifle freedom of speech, CaseLoad is obliged to comment on some other matters raised by John:

"Whether or not there is, or isn't, gossip in racing circles that Mr Dickey's firm Meredith Connell has, or has not, received briefs in horse racing related prosecutions is nobody else's business.

It may well be that such legal work has been handled by Bell Gully for more than 60 years but even if some of what you say is true then perhaps it's time some fresh blood got a piece of the lucrative action..." (No one has a fucking clue what you are ranting on about Jock - Ed)

Thought For The Week:

(From a Very Senior Legal Person) "the Dude behind John Banks has MOOBS.  I tell you. MOOBS.

Note from Editor - Jock got a column when the NBR red carded him. I can't sack him because well argh...I am not sure about that but lawyers live in fear of what he serves up and it means our lawyers are kept in line so jolly good please continue Jock.