I am The Ruminator - by David McCormack

I am The Ruminator
And I don't know where I stand
A Twitter denigrator
Another stroke of my hand
Today I think I am a champion
I try to hold my farts
But I know the game, you'll forget my name
And I won't be here in another year
If I don't behave like a tart

I am The Ruminator
And I've had to pay my price
I know all things at first
I criticise others twice
Ah, but still they come to haunt me
Still they want their say
So I've learned to rub the bump in my pants
I let 'em rub my neck and I call them a deck
And they go their merry way

I am The Ruminator
Spewing sarcasm round the world
I dream of palaces
And in my mind laid all kinds of girls
I can't remember faces
I don't remember names
Ah, but what the hell
You know it's just as well
'Cause after 36 thousand tweets
It all becomes the same

I am The Ruminator
I bring to you my tweets
I'd like to spend more time on twitter
I can't remember the bleats
No, I've got to meet expenses
I got to have a whine
Gotta get those fees for my PR agency
And I'd love to stay but there's bills to pay
So I just don't have the time

I am The Ruminator
Twitter is my show
You've must have heard of me
My blog has been mentioned on the radio
Ah, it takes me weeks to write a post
They are the best moments of my life
It was a beautiful blog
But it ran too long
If you're gonna have a hit
Best it not be shit
So they cut it down from TL;DR

I am The Ruminator
The idol of those my age
I want to make all my money
When I go on the stage
Ah, you've seen me in the papers
I've been in the magazines
But if I go cold I won't get sold
I'll get put in the back in the discount rack
And get all grump and mean

I am The Ruminator
And I don't know where I stand
Another twitter denigrator
And another stroke of my hand
Today I think I am a champion
I try to hold my farts
But I know the game, you'll forget my name
And I won't be here in another year
If I don't behave like a tart.

Editors Note - David McCormack is Lord Sutch on a little read blog called The Ruminator.  His greatest supporter is intellectual giant Dita de Boni who has donated an anonymous sum to him on Givealittle.  David's career has gone from Internet NZ to his natural home of wasting his life in PR. He joined Twitter in January 2013 and has amassed 36,000 tweets, an average of around 40 a day which is not bad for someone working on company time.  David's career has suffered many setbacks, the most terminal being that for someone trying to be ironic and funny he is just not very amusing.