Hello, me again, the Supportive Wife, eco gal, Stand By Your Man, Eternally lovely Person.
Now. If you want to get those windows sparkling clean and save the Planet at the same time, because we do want to be Eco Friendly don’t we, because This Government, and that Silly Man John Key the Ponytail Puller is doing nothing about it, then do I have the answer for you? Yes I do. The last time I gave birth was 16 years ago and I have all these unused sanitary pads lying around, with sticky on one side so here’s what you do. You attach the sticky side to your hand, and rub, rub, rub all over the windows in your lovely wooden villa and there you have nice clean windows, then you can donate the pads to the poor.
Most families I know are struggling to cut costs, like us, so here’s some more of Wendyl’s helpful hints for cutting the monthly bills to clothe the family and look smart at the same time!
1. You can make a stunning dress out of chux biodegradable multicloths. I buy the giant size and stitch them all together, and they just waft around, multicolours, hanging off the waist area – think new age hippy and you’ll get the general idea. Easy!
2. Stuck for warm trousers? Easy! Sew up the neck of those old jerseys and Far Out! You have yourself a pair of skinny jeans except they are warm and made of wool. Eat your heart out, YSL! Do we recycle, or do we recycle?
3. Finally (in the haute eco department) stop paying huge prices for underwear – it’s a rip off and contributing to climate change. You want to save the polar bear? Here’s how. Wait outside your local hospitals – private or public – and when they remove the surgical waste, just burrow through until you find those surgical panties they make patients wear when they go into theatre. Honestly, such dreadful waste! Only worn once and then tossed away! No wonder Mother Earth is dying under all this crap!
Reader Letter of the Week:
Dear Wendyl, My husband has been sending poetry to his press secretary Rachel. He admits this was ‘inappropriate’ but says no sexual relationship took place. Should I stand by my man? Helen.
Dear Helen, If this is the third time he’s a real dick. However, anyone can live with a dick head if it means fabulous holidays in Venice, and not putting your kids through the shame of being raised by a solo parent. On the other hand you could bugger off and slap him with revenge in the divorce settlement (These days it’s called dissolution, and most women would say it’s rightfully hers - Ed). Whatever you decide, Charlene, my thoughts are with you. Truly. Really. Honestly Mary, I mean it.
Next week a recipe on how to make a pie out of all those lentil-eating mice getting fat in your pantry, plus Scotch-Thistle wine made easy!
Editors note - Wendyl Nissen is the most famous Green God in the world and wrote a book which sold thousands of copies to a single buyer. She stands under, on, and by her man Paul Little and wrote a column for a year publicly supporting him. Many wondered why he needed this. Together they once wrote a sex column about p**** during sex which was so disgusting readers almost vomited, but it was later pipped by a column about pulling an egg from a chook’s bum. David Cohen once wrote a story about Wendyl alleging she added the l to her name; that she was originally Wendy. He did not say if it was pinched off her hero, Russel Norman.
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